Empty Eyes and Chronic Lies
by wickedpeach
Summary: Lavender didn't feel, emotions were foriegn to her and she liked it that way. Except once she got sent to Earth, feelings start emerging, unlikely encounters and new regimn make staying above the water harder than it was before. Bellamy/OC
1. curiosity

a/n: When I first published this story, I had a few chapters done. Now that I've gone back and read them again, I've gone in with editing. In this chapter there are minor changes and I've separated a near four thousand word chapter to almost three, I think it's a more clean break this way! While I recommend rereading it, I don't think it'll be terrible if you choose not too! As a writer, you can't go back and edit enough. While I feel like I can still go over this and find ten more things to change, I think it's time for me to step away, at least for this chapter. Chapter two will be uploaded tonight. Thank you for reading and your patience!

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Part One

cu·ri·os·i·ty  
/kyo͝orēˈäsədē/  
a strong desire to know or learn something.

She didn't feel. At least, that's what they said. Since she started school she was known for it, she sat in her chair, perfectly calm, staring straight ahead. Only speaking when spoken to. A cheerful Harper bouncing next to her, the first day of second grade. Her wild light brown hair was tied into two pigtails, a wide smile on her face. The smaller girl looked over, a blank expression unchanging, her hair was down, with two butterfly pins on either side. Her mother put them there, she liked them.

"I'm Harper, wanna be friends?"

So they were, it was hard on Harper. Most conversations were dull and one sided, she didn't blame her for getting frustrated every once in awhile. Harper maintained her other friendships, gaining more and more over the years, Lavender knew that. She was comfortable with Harper flying in and out of her life for the next few years, they were friends after all. Her parents didn't know what was wrong, at home she spoke a little easier, but with no feeling. She didn't have the passion of her botanist mother, or the ambition of the engineer father. What happened? Doctor Griffin said that she was fine, just a little quieter than most of the other children, she'd grow out of it. Lavender didn't answer, looking down at her ratty shoes whenever the subject came up.

It was one Monday afternoon when Harper came over, pacing around the room. Her cheeks were painted pink and she huffed angrily. "There's nothing wrong with you! They just don't get it, everyone's a little different." She fumed, the bows in her hair bouncing with every heavy step she took, "I like you the way you are, don't listen to them."

So she didn't, she had Harper and her parents, that was really all she needed.

It was days before she turned 17 when she saw. She'd started volunteering doing shifts in the kitchen earlier that year, twice or sometimes three times a week. She'd ignored it the first day she'd seen a sliver of brown hair and the storage box open. Had she thought she wouldn't be able to see her? She could almost scoff, maybe if she cared more, she would ask Harper who she was stealing the food for. Maybe she would even help her to not get caught, tell her her shifts and when not to come.

She didn't, and two weeks later, the doors swung open before they were touched. Two guards carried a struggling Harper out, her face was set into a grimace but she was fighting them with all she could. She would die, easy as that. Lavender wasn't a fool, she knew Harper wasn't either. Harper knew no matter what she did from this moment on, there was an eighty percent chance, (and growing with her insubordination) that she'd die.

"Lav!" Harper yelled, now tears were streaming down her face, she pushed one guard away, the other looking surprised. She wanted her help, she had to help Harper. So Lavender punched the guard. Her fist stung, but gave Harper enough time to run down the hall, she looked back but somehow didn't look surprised to see Lav standing over the man, looking indifferent. She would die. Come next year, she would die for the crime of assaulting a guard and aiding a criminal. She didn't run, she allowed them to stand back from the assault and take her in, giving no protest.

They'd questioned her, who was she? (An question that was quickly answered without her help) Who was stealing food? Lavender stared forward, her almost black eyes never faltered. She'd hold out, if Harper was dumb enough to continue stealing, that'd be her mistake. She'd done her part.

She wasn't put in isolation, she debated whether she should punch another guard and get put in there. At least then she wouldn't have to deal with the side long glances and wary looks. Was she not among criminals? Her emotions, or lack thereof, seemed to stop anyone from approaching her during the meal periods. There wasn't a bouncing Harper with pigtails, it was just Lavender. She didn't mind, she didn't care for more company. Lavender rather liked to be alone, silent.

Her parent came to visit, once, sometimes twice a week. Her mother almost always dissolving into tears only ten minutes into the visit, she'd counted off the minutes. Her father told her about his new experience, about how they'd been working on one new gadget or the other. Science and Engineering interested her, maybe it was the simplicity of it. Numbers, exact calculations. When she'd been home her mother would sometimes take her into the greenhouses, showing her plants and flowers. She'd hardly paid attention, but hearing her father drone on about cables she'd never get to tinker with was enough for her to want to go back to talking about cactus. She didn't say anything.

Lavender would've liked to say she slept well almost every night, she'd slept easily back in her own bed. It wasn't the bed that'd bothered her though, it was the incessant sobbing from the cell next to her. Her eyes would lock onto the wall separating the two and she would almost wish she could do something. But she could, she could call out, introduce herself, talk to the crying girl. She didn't, she would stare at the wall until the crying stopped and fall to sleep on the rough cott given to each and every prisoner.

She wasn't sure how much time passed, maybe a month, maybe two. She put another tasteless bite of food into her mouth. She was eating, and a bounding, bouncing Harper came over. Her eyes traced over the girl, she had a split lip, a bruised eye and her hands were cut.

"You got caught." It wasn't a question, she was here, wasn't she? Harper sat down, putting her own tray down. "Who were you stealing for?"

Harper looked bashful, almost.

"Uh, do you know the Brown's?" Harper asked, the unchanging look made her continue, "Them, their rations got cut a few months ago but Ms. Brown is pregnant."

Lavender nodded, satisfied with the answer. Harper continued to talk, she listened easily. Life went on, Harper made other friends, but once a week she would come and talk to Lavender in the Mess Hall. She had an issue keeping track of time while she was here, everything felt like in blended into a large circle, never ending. She guessed it was a year, that's the only reason the guards would come in, taking her arm.

"Ms. Bell?" a female voice asked, Lav looked over to the entrance. Doctor Griffin. She had a contraption in her hand, did she want to know what it was? Doctor Griffin couldn't keep the eye contact, growing uncomfortable she stepped forward. One of the guards spoke loudly.

"Put out your right arm!" She would've done it either way, she didn't break her stare on Doctor Griffin, even when the round metal latched into her skin. Doctor Griffin looked up, meeting her stare again.

"Is it my birthday?" she asked. She'd read about the procedure plenty of times, none included wasting technology on someone to be floated in mere hours. After a few seconds passed she asked again, "Is it my birthday?"

"No."

It was the only answer she got, she wasn't the only one, but she was certainly the calmest. Getting shoved into a seat and strapped down next to criminals, she wondered what was happening. She'd had good behavior, her chances of get to live had been at least fifty percent, especially since Harper had been caught. And now she was being sent for a mass floating? She was put on the top floor, back row, there was an empty seat to the left, the seat farthest from the ladder downstairs. A guard came and took the seat, strapping himself in beside her. He looked over to her once, twice before clearing his throat. Lavender looked over, her eyes landed on the guard insignia.

"Why am I here?" Lavender asked, her voice was light, what you'd expect to come out of the small looking girl, but it was cold, hollow. The words felt empty and Bellamy didn't want to answer. Thankfully he didn't have to, they'd started to move.

"Funny, didn't think I'd die surrounded by people. This is probably the worst way I could imagine." She didn't look like she found it funny, Bellamy wasn't sure what to make of her, "Is this a mass floating? Perhaps a leak in the oxygen tanks?"

"No, we're going to Earth."

Lavender stayed quiet after that, so she would die? Earth was supposed to be covered in radiation, uninhabitable. She closed her eyes, attempting to block out the noise around her. She could hear the audio from the video playing on the hardly used screens. He was right, she hadn't doubted him. After all, what was the point in lying to her now? Her eyes cracked open, looking around at the mix of frightened teens. She looked over to the guard, would he help them survive? What had he done wrong to be expendable like the rest of them? Panicked voices started to get louder when the audio cut out, they were going too fast. Her eyes widened a fraction, is this how she'd die?

A hand grabbed at hers, she looked over to the guard who'd grabbed it, he had his eyes shut, leaning back into his seat. She considered taking her hand back, but this was supposed to be comforting, right? If these were her last moments, she didn't mind holding hands with a man she thought would rescue her only moments before. She allowed it, her hand feeling dwarf like in his. She didn't mind physical contact, not as much as people thought she did.

"You look scared." He said, now looking over, his jaw was still clenched.

"I'm not."

The ships rockets came up, lowering their speed. They would still crash roughly, but they'd make it. She took her hand back.

"We almost died, you're not scared?" Bellamy asked, his hand resting on the seatbelt holding him down.

"I'm not scared to die." Was she? No, on The Ark she justified her death with saving Harper for a few weeks, in her mind, she took the tiniest bit of credit for Ms. Brown and her unborn child's welfare. She was fine with dying then, but she supposed if they walked out that door, and she could breath non toxic air, she'd have to find something worth dying for. "Are you?"

She was almost doll like, he didn't put it together until then. He'd heard about her before, people said she killed four guards for looking at her too long, other people said if you made eye contact with her you'd die within the week. They were stupid, of course, things people made up to pass time and feel excitement. She'd earned the nickname Glass Doll long before she got locked up in the Sky Box. Not that anyone, including Harper, let her in on it. Even if they did, Harper was sure she either wouldn't get it, or wouldn't care.

"No."

He was lying, she didn't correct him, choosing to stare forward instead. Maybe he could still lead them, she supposed her apathy wasn't sign of good leadership, maybe his willingness to live was. It wasn't a graceful landing, her body pressed against the seat belt harshly, holding her from shooting forward. Once she was see the drop ship had come to a stop, her hands unclasped the seat belt. Beside her Bellamy had gotten out easily, already standing and assessing where he was, the next move. She followed him, he was a guard, she supposed he knew the most here. Besides, he could see over most of the teens, were all she could see where the chest and shoulders around her. Yes, she would stay on his good side, as much as she could. Once he'd reached the ladder he looked over his shoulder. He looked almost amused, she was behind him following him like a puppy through the crowd. She'd be an asset for him, but first thing came first, he would find Octavia and get out of the drop ship. They'd be able to stay with the group a couple days, maybe he'd gather a few people and they'd leave the camp together, they couldn't possibly stay there. The Ark would eventually come down, assuming that the outside was habitable, and he was sure the rules about the crimes being forgiven didn't apply to him as well. His eyes scanned the crowd, looking for O, he was close to the entrance now, everyone was gravitating toward the big doors as well, although no one looked to be making a move to leave the drop ship.

Lavender tapped Bellamy's arm, putting her other hand on a metal latch that would open the door, or at least was supposed to open it. With the harsh landing they'd had, there was a chance the door would need more than a simple lever to open it. Someone pushed against his back, he held up, not rocking in the slightest, instead speaking, "Hey, back it up guys."

The two behind him scuffled away as much as they could, at least they weren't touching him.

"Stop!" A blonde girl yelled, pushing her way through the crowd, "The air could be toxic!"

It took Lavender a moment to realize she'd been talking to her, she looked to her hand that still rested on the bar before putting it back at her side.

"If the airs toxic, we're all dead." Bellamy answered, looking at the girl who'd yelled. Half because he knew he was right, and half to start to establish a leader position.

"Bellamy!" Someone yelled, running into his arms. Lavender heard murmurs behind her.

"That's the girl they hid under the floorboards." Someone whispered, she didn't look to see who. Peculiar, The Ark had ruled set in place to control overpopulation, yet some still decided to not follow procedure. But she supposed that's why they were all here, because they didn't follow some kind of rule. That girl was probably imprisoned the most innocently, for the crime of living. She couldn't bring herself to feel sympathy for her, after all, they were all supposed to be even here, right?

"My God, look how big you are." Bellamy said, he looked relieved. Maybe he hadn't been searching for the exit, but for her instead.

"What the hell are you wearing, a guard's uniform?" Since Bellamy had made the other teens move, Octavia spoke low, but not enough for her not to hear, not that she'd noticed, too preoccupied with her reunion. Her eyes kept glued to the wall in front of her, thoughts beginning to run through her head.

He wasn't a guard. Did he at least know something about Earth that put him ahead of the rest of them? Perhaps the blonde girl would be a better person to follow and take direction from. She seemed confident, although dumb if she thought they'd be able to avoid going outside.

"Where's your wristband?" The same girl demanded, Octavia turned quickly.

"Do you mind? I haven't seen my brother in a year." She snarled, the blonde seemed to piece things together. Lavender didn't pay attention to things around her, not names and she didn't know faces. It was easy enough to follow along, even for her, they had some similarities appearance wise. Almond shaped eyes, slightly tanned skin. She looked at her own, certainly darker than the blondes, maybe a shade or two lighter than the guards sister. The entire population of the Ark had dull skin tone, a show of the unnatural source of vitamin D, the processed and bland tasting food. She was surprised that the man looked healthy, especially if he wasn't a guard. The rich faired well, she could see the blonde with a fair amount of muscle on her, in comparison to the sallow cheeks of some of the lower class citizens in the drop ship. She wondered how they'd fare, Lavender was suddenly very grateful she'd lived a semi comfortable life on the Ark.

"That's Octavia Blake, the girl they found hidden in the floor."

Octavia took a threatening step towards the girl who'd essentially outed her, although she'd done a pretty good job of it herself. There weren't many horror stories about someone breaking the second child rule. It was hard to hide a pregnancy full term, and with the required doctor visits, Lavender herself wasn't sure how they'd done it. She didn't get far, Bellamy taking her forearm.

"Octavia, Octavia, no. Let's give them something else to remember you by." he aided, she looked back at her brother questioningly.

"Yeah? Like what?"

Bellamy's eyes caught Lavender's, they flickered over to the metal bar before going back to his sister. She understood, pulling down the handle after he spoke.

"Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years." The loud hiss came from the ship, the door coming open. Lavender hadn't had much of a struggle pulling it down. She'd used both hands, putting her weight on the bar until it gave. Her eyes had a hard time adjusting to the natural light, they closed for a few seconds, her lids a peach color on the inside.

"We're back, bitches!" Octavia's voice yelled, it was as if a spell had broken and the rest of the teens stormed out of the drop ship, whooping and hollering. Someone bumped harshly into her shoulder, sending her against the wall. Her eyes opened, thankfully her hand automatically went up and caught her before she got completely thrown into it.

"You okay?" They didn't have a very deep voice, her eyes trailed from their shoes up to their eyes, brown.

"Yeah." she answered simply, they shifted, debating whether to leave her she supposed.

"Don't you want to see outside?" They asked, raising an eyebrow, she looked towards the exit and she felt something. It was weird, and it tugged at her heart. She did, she wanted it, what was this called?

Curiosity.


	2. amazement

A/N: If you haven't seen the revised chapter one, I recommend going back and reading it. I think it's improved a lot and it's definitely worth the time! If you don't want to, you will be seeing some of the same content in this chapter and the rest being new!

Part Two

a·maze·ment  
/əˈmāzmənt/  
a feeling of great surprise or wonder.

The air even felt different, the filtered air that she'd breathed in her entire life was gone, still in the sky, rotating around them somewhere she couldn't see. Lavender's eyes hadn't left the person in front of her, only focusing now.

Lavender turned back, "Yeah," she tugged their arm, they were surprised and didn't move, it confused her. It was a friendly gesture, Harper had done it before to her, her mind didn't stay on that long, eyes flickering back to the outside. "Are you coming?"

They nodded quickly, she trailed only a step behind, careful when going down the steps. Once they got outside she didn't notice how her hand had dropped from his arm, or that his friend had called him over.

The trees and greenery surrounding her peaked her interest, she wished she'd paid more attention in Earth Skills and less in Engineering. She wanted to know everything about this land, how did grass grow? Were they close to rivers and oceans? It took a few minutes to find Bellamy, he was speaking with his sister when he saw her. He hesitated, she didn't. She walked over to the two siblings, looking up at Bellamy.

"You're not a guard." she said simply, the girl looked at her and she almost looked scared. I guess she should be, she was on the ground with 99 criminals, maybe they should all be a little scared.

"No," Bellamy answered, his jaw twitching, "I'm-"

"Octavia, nice to meet you!" She was cheerful, Lavender was reminded of a child.

"Lavender," she introduced, holding out her hand, "Nice to meet you."

Octavia took it, seemingly over being afraid, or hiding it fairly well. She was strong, her hands calloused. Lav wondered from what that was from. Her eyes wandered over Octavia's shoulder.

"There's a crowd forming." She observed, Bellamy nodded, walking over, Octavia and Lavender walked behind him, easily breaking through the crowd.

"Relax, we're just trying to figure out where we are." Jaha Wells defended. He was nice, he didn't speak to her. She was a year his senior, they'd only met because of his father. She didn't have any complaints.

"We're on the ground. That not good enough for you?" Bellamy questioned, he had a commanding voice. He'd stepped in front of the crowd and suddenly it was like they were his crowd. He was going to lead them, she didn't have a doubt.

"We need to find Mount Weather. You heard my father's message, that has to be our first priority."

"Screw your father. What, you think you're in charge here? You and your little princess?" Octavia joined his side, Lavender watched curiously, finding herself standing behind Octavia. Her eyes already scanning the crowd, observing.

"Do you think we care who's in charge? We need to get to Mount Weather not because the Chancellor said so, but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we'll get and the harder this'll be. How long do you think we'll last without those supplies? We're looking at a twenty-mile trek, okay? So if we want to get there before dark, we need to leave now." The blonde girl almost looked like she expected everyone to listen to her and join in. It made sense, what she said. Lav doubted anyone cared. There was too much excitement with no real authority figure named, they were free. There was no chance she would get them to think rationally right away.

"I got a better idea. You two go, find it for us. Let the privileged do the hard work for a change."

Lavender didn't bother sticking around, walking back through the crowd and onto the drop ship. Clarke was right, they would be hungry, but they could survive without food at least for a few days. Water. They needed water right away. She went upstairs, looking around for anything useful. There were a few canteens laying around, having bursted out of somewhere on the ship. She grabbed one, hooking it onto her pants. They fit nicely, but were fitted closely. She hoped that The Ark had taken consideration into what they dressed them in before sending them down to Earth. She wore a soft black long sleeve top and a dark green jacket over it. It would keep her warm if needed, but fairly light weight. What part of the world were they in? She found herself thinking about the harsh winters they'd learned about before brushing off the thought. The radiation would certainly kill her before snow did. She bounced on her heels, the shoes were comfortable, she hadn't run in years, and the terrain outside wasn't smooth. She wandered outside again, she didn't bother to talk to anyone heading straight out. Her hair was tied in two french braids, they were loose from the landing but all things considered they stayed together as much as she could've expected. Her hair was long, in the braids they rested just below her breast, when let loose it touched the bottom of her rib. It was inconvenient but her parents liked it long, so she'd kept it long. Now that she would never see them again, perhaps she'd cut it. Certainly it wouldn't make a difference to them. Didn't they think she was dead after all?

She'd been walking for two hours, she'd stopped multiple times to look at the flowers and plants, looking for anything she'd recognized. It didn't fair well, she didn't pick anything up, afraid that it might be poisonous. Her mother would've been disappointed. She made sure to go only in one direction, using the sun as a guide as well as her surroundings. She'd been heading back and somehow she was mislead, she was lost. She'd find them, she was sure. She walked back in the general direction of the dropship, her steps quicker than before. Lavender stopped at a small river that later on she realized was only 15 minutes from camp.

She'd gathered the water in the canteen after taking a greedy drink for herself. The water tasted different down here than on the Ark. Maybe it was contaminants from the water, or the fish she could've sworn she saw swimming feet away. She didn't dare step foot in the water, quickly retreating and finishing her trek back. She didn't want to be stuck out there at night, although they were far from night, as far as she could tell. She'd found them another hour later, chanting.

"Whatever the hell we want! Whatever the hell we want!"

Bellamy was standing amongst the criminals, looking pleased and leader like. She could see the metal bracelets littering the floor. Looking down at hers, she walked to the crowd. Bellamy noticed her, he didn't look as pleased as he did a few seconds ago, pulling her aside as the crowd still chanted.

"Where did you go off to?"

"I went to go find water." She answered, giving him the canteen. If he was going to be their leader, she wanted to give him her loyalty. Lavender worked best when being told what to do. He looked impressed, it was short lived. Lav jumped, swiping her nose, a drop, then another.

"Rain!" a girl yelled, the rest of the children muttered similarly. Lavender looked up, her mouth agape for a second before it curved into a smile. It was genuine, and she looked almost angel like, Bellamy didn't stop looking at her.

Amazement, she was amazed. Earth was the most intriguing thing she'd ever come across. Her life had been black and white for the past seventeen years and finally it was like she was coming to life, slowly she was seeing things in color. Her eyes were closed and she hadn't moved. Bellamy's hand reached and took one of her braids into his hand. Her eyes opened, a her smile still present when they met.

"We need to collect this!" Wells yelled, Bellamy could kill him. Lavender's smile shrunk back but her eyes had the tiniest bit of light behind them. Bellamy was conflicted, a part of him never wanted her to stop smiling, and the other part never wanted her to smile again, that way it'd be his and his only. He turned to Wells, charmingly sending a smile, "Whatever the hell we want."

He could've told him and Lavender found a water supply, but what fun would that be. He let him run off, cursing loudly in his wake.

"I'm going to help you." Lav declared, Bellamy grinned, apparently he wouldn't even have to ask.

"Good, because you're my second."

She'd follow him around, listening to whatever he had to say. She'd learned how to take wristbands off, then she got introduced to Murphy.

"Doll is your second?"

"Doll?" Lavender asked, looking back at Bellamy who'd been standing behind her.

"Would you question her?" he asked, Lavender looked back over at Murphy who only held her gaze for a second before looking away, mumbling something along the lines of, 'fair enough'.

"Who calls me Doll?" she questioned, her bottom lip pouted out in the slightest, she was confused.

"Everyone," Bellamy shook his head, of course, "I have something I need you to do with me tonight."

.

Lavender thought Wells was nice, she didn't understand what was the big deal with the metal bands on their wrists. Apparently everyone else knew but her, it'd happened while she was gone and she hadn't bothered to ask. She could've easily found out but chose not to, it didn't peak her interest in the slightest. Her bracelet was still attached, Bellamy said he'd take it off later that night, she didn't care.

"You found water." Wells clarified, again. Lavender could almost roll her eyes. She'd told him almost twenty times already. Bellamy had told her to go show him where the water was and on their way back he'd meet them. She'd agreed, not putting up any kind of a fight.

"Yes, we're almost there." Her empty canteen was in her hand. Wells had collected water earlier from the rain, he only got the help of one or two people who'd apparently seen the benefit in getting water.

"You're the last person I'd think of that'd be willing to help me out," he said, shaking his head. Lav's eyes flickered to him for a second, questioning, "Why?"

"Well- Because you're- you." He laughed, Lavender didn't understand. She wouldn't ask again, but he understood she didn't exactly get what he was saying and took it upon himself to elaborate.

"You're the Doll, everyone says you don't care about anything or anyone but you're _here_ helping me, the most hated guy on Earth."

She stopped walking, they were at the river. Was that how everyone saw her? That she didn't care about anyone or anything? Maybe that's how she seemed, hell, maybe that's what she was. But somehow she didn't like everyone thinking the same of her. She cared about her parents, about Harper.

"You're not a bad person." She replied simply, ending the conversation.

They didn't talk on the way back, if she were to guess they were five minutes away from camp when Bellamy came out of the woods. She stopped when she made out his form, the canteen in her hands leaked on her arm from the sudden stop. Wells took a defensive stance, looking angry.

"What is it, Blake?" Wells questioned, walking in front of the girl. Did he think she needed protecting? It was a chivalrous boys nature, trying to protect the girl. She wondered if he'd been this way with the blonde who'd left, or if she'd always been able to hold her own.

"Wells, come on." Bellamy put up his hands, although he still took another confident step forward. "I don't want to shoot you, Wells, hell, I like you, but I do need them to think that you're dead."

What did the bracelets have to do with him being dead? Or was he just going to kill him? If he did, how would the Ark know?

"Why? Why are you doing this, for real, not some crap about getting to do what you want to do?"

"I have my reasons. I also have the gun." He lifted his shirt, revealing the handle of a gun tucked into the band of his pants. That'd be helpful, surely the blonde girl didn't have a gun. "So I ask the questions, and the question is, why aren't you helping me? Your dad banished you, Wells, and yet here you are, still doing his bidding, following the rules." He really was charming, trying to sway the son of the chancellor to go against the Ark. "Aren't you tired of always doing what's expected of you? Stand up to him. Take off that wristband, and you'll be amazed at how good it feels." He offered, he made it seem like the right option, but Wells wasn't convinced.

"No. Never. Not gonna happen. Is that clear enough for you?" His voice was firm, demanding.

Bellamy faked a disappointed look, "Yeah. It is. I'm sorry it had to be this way."

Murphy and Atom came out from where Bellamy had come from grabbing Well's arms tightly. Lavender looked at Bellamy who didn't seem to question himself in the slightest. He twirled the piece of metal they'd been using to take off people's bands.

"Hold him still." Bellamy demanded, Lavender saw Wells struggling and stood in her place.

"Wells, stop." She said, Wells looked up, but it had worked. He'd been distracted and a clean pop filled the air. She stepped back once she heard it, looking over at Bellamy once again. She didn't expect a thank you, she didn't get one, only an eye movement that signaled her to stand to his right. She took the command, feeling animal like. She didn't mind, it gave her something to do. The metal seemed heavier on her wrist when Wells ran off, snarling something towards Murphy.

"Hers now?" Atom asked, he was okay. He didn't call her anything other that girl, addressing her vaguely. Bellamy looked to his right at the smaller girl, apparently passing the question to her. She shrugged, holding out her arm.

.

It was late into the night, only few people littered the area, watching the screen with tired eyes. Doctor Griffin being one of the them, eyes frequently flickering to her own daughters vitals. The spike in Wells' vitals drew her eyes away from Clarke's. She sat up, pressing buttons on the keyboard, making sure nothing was in error on their side, her breathing became quicker as his face faded, his vitals gone. Dead, her daughters best friend, the Chancellor's son, dead. Her hands buried into her hair, her head starting to hurt. It didn't make sense. If it was the radiation that was killing them, it shouldn't have been all at once. It should've been slowly eating at their systems, slowly dying. Not this, not a spike from a seemingly normal system and then they're suddenly dead. She sat back into her chair, shaking her head, it just didn't make sense. Her eyes drew to Lavender Bell's picture. She was looking straight ahead, a picture they took in booking. Much like the other teens, which the exception of a few, she didn't have a smile on. Her's lasted only seconds, the vitals spiking only for a few seconds before going away all together. She'd killed them.

.

She took her wrist back, rubbing it with her other hand. It felt odd to not have it on, even if a couple days ago she hadn't had it either. It was already dark when her and Well's had been walking back, by the time she'd followed Bellamy back to camp everyone was beginning to get tired. Some people took refuge in the drop ship, some of the younger children took the top floor for themselves. Surprisingly the rest of the criminals let them, either going to the bottom or attempting to make tents out of the wreckage. That's what Bellamy had done earlier, setting up a tent and makeshift cot out of the chair insides and tarp. Lavender hadn't thought of that, seeing that Lavender hadn't moved from her position next to him, even after he'd nodded to dismiss her, he pulled a face.

"Is there something you want?"

"How did you make a tent?"

Bellamy liked when people asked for his help, it made him feel useful, even if it was just teaching them how to make a tent. So he did, he showed her where to get the tarp, there was plenty for all of them to make a tent, they'd ripped them earlier but everyone would have to share, except Bellamy of course.

"I don't think anyone will want to share with me." Lav admitted, Bellamy would've felt bad if she looked remotely hurt by it, instead he rolled his eyes.

"Well tough shit, if no one does then I'll stick O with you." He didn't mention how he'd been planning that already. Octavia wouldn't allow him to share a tent with her, he was already over protective and he liked having his own tent. Putting Octavia with Lavender was the next best thing he could think of. He sure as hell wasn't going to put her with Murphy or Miller. She'd said okay, patting down the cloth they'd found to lay on top of the cot. It was a tall tent, Bellamy still had to crouch a little but she stood to her full height easily.

Lavender laid down, suddenly the exhaustion had hit and her eyes closed. Bellamy didn't stick around, leaving the tent and closing it behind him. He'd built her tent only steps away from his, Murphys was a couple yards to his left. He made sure the three of their tents were separated from the rest of the teens, a show of power. Bellamy took a long time to go to sleep, hoping that Octavia was still okay. He hoped by taking off the bracelets the Ark would think they were dead. If they were dead there was no way they'd come down, maybe he'd be able to stay. Maybe it would all work out, maybe.

.

Bellamy had been up for hours, people had started to become accustomed to asking him permission to do things without him having to do much. Murphy had taken down all of the tent assignments, the older boy was starting to feel a lot like a teacher. Taking role call, making sure everyone was doing their homework, and if one more person asked him if they could use the bathroom, he was sure to say no. After a while, he started to wonder where his shadow was. The itch in the back of his mind started to get more bothersome and time went by. If she'd gotten herself lost like she had before, he was going to make sure she knew not to leave camp. He huffed, leaving his place sitting on a log and heading over to her tent. He opened the flap, she was there. He should've left, but she looked different. She looked peaceful, while she was awake she was empty, but this was different. She looked almost, happy. Her nose crinkled, twitching once, twice, her eyes fluttered open. Her eyes almost immediately drew to Bellamy, she had the decency to look a little surprised. Her right hand went up and rubbed her eyes, Bellamy grinned.

"Come on, doll. I need you over here."

She nodded, still groggy from sleep. She stood up, following behind him. They'd only gotten a few steps away from her tent before a voice called out.

"So it's true."

"Harper." Lavender turned around, Harper stood smiling as she took Lav into a hug. The word was a sigh of relief, but it sounded like prayer. After a few long seconds she did the same, letting go first. Harper didn't care.

"Lavvie, oh man, when they said that they'd seen you I thought for sure they were lying I mean. Wait- happy birthday."

"Oh," Lavender had forgotten, "I'm officially allowed to be floated."

"Congratulations."

It was weird seeing her interact with someone, or anyone for that matter. Harper didn't seem to care about her lack of response, looking excited all on her own. She was good for her, he could tell.

"Happy Birthday, can we go now?" Bellamy chimed, Harper drew back, not as free spirited as a few seconds ago. Lavender looked back at him, nodding once.

"Are you sharing a tent with anyone?" She asked, Harper opened her mouth to speak, sending a regretful look.

"Yeah actually," she played with her hair, "I'm sharing with Sterling, I can tell him that I can't- or something," she offered, Harper looked over Lav's shoulder at Bellamy who looked less than pleased.

"No, that's fine. I'll talk to you later." Lavender said, Harper nodded, hugging her once more before walking off.

"She's your friend?"

"She's my only friend." Lavender clarified, watching her walk away before turning back to Bellamy. He wasn't sure what to say, even he had friends while juggling hiding Octavia and training to be guard. Hell, even after people found out he still had friends when he was a janitor, even if he wasn't as fun as he used to be.

"I'll ask Octavia if she'd like to share a tent with me when she gets back." She told him, he began to walk, she walked beside him, she was starting to get used to his long commanding strides.

"Good," She didn't say anything after that, she sent a few people to go gather firewood, there was no fight back. People were scared of her, they did was she wanted them to do. It benefited Bellamy, she knew that. It certainly didn't hurt her, she was sure there were actual dangerous people sent down with them. If the murderers and psychopaths were scared of her, it was one less thing to look out for. After she'd done that she couldn't find Bellamy, so instead she went to Murphy.

"Do you need me for anything?" Lavender asked, her hands at her sides. Murphy looked over his shoulders before sending her a weird look.

"No?" Murphy replied before he saw Wells carrying a pile of clothes, "Go find Bellamy or something,"

Lav watched his back as he walked away before turning and heading the other direction, Murphy was confrontational, she knew that much. He was especially so when it came to Wells. She knew why, she didn't know if it was a perfect reason, but she didn't care enough to speak to anyone about it. One of them would probably kill the other soon. She couldn't bring herself to prefer one over the other, both being strong capable people, the only loss she could think of was another pair of hands. Most of the other children got along, forming cliques but still being civil with almost everyone. Wells wasn't everyone, he was the Chancellor's son. She didn't go to find Bellamy, instead she went and began to set up a few tents for the others for when they came back. Assuming they weren't dead already. She could hear the noise around her, the crunches of the leaves, the laughing and howling. A few minutes later a dull chant started, 'fight'. Bellamy had told her earlier if she'd seen any fights she was meant to pacify them, neutralizing the situation. Lavender didn't hesitate, getting up and heading towards the group of people. She was surprised to see Bellamy already there, she wasn't surprised to see it was Wells and Murphy who were fighting, both wielding knives. Bellamy looked to his right, meeting her gaze evenly.

"Do you want me to-"

"No, leave this one." Bellamy crossed his arms, watching expectantly. He expected Murphy to win, or maybe not. She wasn't sure, there were times where she could read Bellamy easily and others where she couldn't tell what he was thinking in the slightest. She didn't pay attention to the fight, although she still stood next to Bellamy who was watching intently. Her gaze was on the sky above them.

"Wells, let him go!" Blonde girl was back and yelling at Wells. Lavender watched as Wells dropped Murphy from the headlock, dropping the knife. She watched as Murphy picked up the knife, Bellamy hadn't noticed yet, busy scrutinizing the blonde that's returned. She took three large steps forward just as he was about to lunge she caught his arm.

"Enough."

Murphy stared at her for a few seconds before spitting on the ground, tucking the knife and walking away.

Bellamy was almost proud, he was distracted by Lavender's action long enough that it took him a few seconds to realize Octavia being supported by two guys.

She was hurt, it seemed to be wrapped up enough but that didn't stop Bellamy from questioning just what happened.

"Where's the food?" Lavender asked, that's what they went out to get, right? Stupid task.

"We didn't make it to Mount Weather."


	3. scared

A/N: This chapter underwent a lot of editing and I'm still not completely pleased but, well. Please leave some reviews to help me improve, thank you for reading.

Part Three

scared  
/skerd/  
fearful; frightened.

They hadn't made it to Mount Weather. They'd been attacked on the way there, a kid that Lavender didn't remember was hurt and most likely dead. In the heat of everyone finding out they weren't the only humans on the ground, blondie took notice of the missing metal brackets

"How many?" Clarke asked, sending an accusatory look towards Bellamy.

"Twenty four and counting." Murphy answered, his face was still slightly red from before, but his temper had lessened.

"You idiots. Life support on the Ark is failing. That's why they brought us down here. They need to know the ground is survivable again, and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you're not just killing them. You're killing us!"

Lavender listened to the new information, rubbing her own wrist. Her mind flashing back to her parents still orbiting in space. Bellamy saw before taking a breath in.

"We're stronger than you think. Don't listen to her. She's one of the privileged. If they come down, she'll have it good. How many of you can say the same?" The crowd mumbled, Lavender stood a little taller. "We can take care of ourselves. That wristband on your arm? It makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they'll forgive your crimes. I say you're not criminals! You're fighters, survivors! The Grounders should worry about us!" Bellamy stood, the crowd feeding into him, almost already forgetting about what Clarke had said. In the back of her mind she thought of her mother, who would've been over exciting to come down to earth. She thought of her father who tried his best at everything, even if sometimes it made him worn. They would die?

The crowd started agreeing, his speech bringing back the confidence they had only minutes ago. Clarke shook her head and walked away, the people who'd gone with her on their first mission following behind, in addition to Wells.

Bellamy had taken Octavia but now decided to pass her to Lavender.

"Show her to your tent, I'll be back."

He walked off without waiting for an answer, she wrapped an arm around Octavia's waist, letting her share her weight.

"You let him boss you around like that?" Octavia asked, concentrating on walking for the most part. She didn't answer, it wasn't something you answered back to. Even if it was, she couldn't think of an answer. It didn't bother her, not in the slightest. Maybe that's why, after all, why fix something that isn't broken? Octavia let out a sigh once she sat on the makeshift bed Bellamy had made her this morning.

"Thanks," she murmured, her lip twitched, she wasn't happy. She felt useless, she wanted to be out there but damn did her leg hurt. Bellamy came in a few seconds later, fussing over Octavia, it was strange. Lavender had never seen him that concerned, it was interesting. He led them to just outside the tent on a tree stump.

"What the hell was it?"

"I don't know. The others said it looked like a giant snake."

What was living down here with them? Lav looked at Octavia's leg. They'd be lucky if it didn't get infected, or if the bite wasn't poisonous.

"You could have been killed." It was as if it had just dawned on him, he could've lost her again. Lavender looked up, seeing the blonde from earlier stepping into her line of vision.

"She would've been if Jasper didn't jump in and pull her out." Who was Jasper? Was he important? Lavender's eyes studied the blonde who seemed to be set on something.

"You guys leaving? I'm coming too." Octavia began to get up, Bellamy didn't entertain the thought, gently putting her down.

"No, no. No way. Not again."

"He's right, your legs just going to slow us down." Her eyes met Lavender's for a second. She didn't squirm, that was new. Everyone always looked away from her once they looked for more than a second. After another second she looked away, there it was. She almost felt smug about it. She had to remind herself that they weren't supposed to be primitive creatures, they weren't dogs, it wasn't a show of dominance. Wells was standing behind her, looking more than unsure.

"I'm here for you."

Bellamy's eyebrows went up a fraction, looking slightly amused.

"Clarke, what are you doing?" Wells questioned, she shrugged him off. Murphy made himself known walking up to the group, putting a hand on Lavender's shoulder. He had a cocky expression, she didn't move. He had Atom in tow, who stood with his arms crossed.

"I hear you have a gun." Clarke assessed. Lav knew that much, she didn't look when Bellamy raised his shirt, showing the handle of the gun. A rather unsafe way of keeping it, but she couldn't imagine he brought a gun holster with him. "Good, follow me."

Clarke turned, fully expecting him to follow, he didn't.

"Why would I do that?" Clarke turned quickly, looking sure of herself.

"Because you want them to follow you, and right now, they're thinking only one of us is scared."

That seemed to convince him, he turned to Lavender and Murphy, his eyes landed on Murphy's hand for a fraction of a second.

"Doll, you're with me. Murphy, you're in charge. Atom, my sister doesn't leave this camp, is that clear?" Murphy squeezed her shoulder once before nodded, walking off. Atom nodded as well, almost immediately followed by Octavia.

"I don't need a babysitter."

She went ignored, "Anyone touches her, they answer to me."

"Let's go." Octavia said, starting to get up again, Atom was unamused. Setting a hand on her shoulder instead of helping her get up.

"You're staying here." His voice was firm, Bellamy nodded to him in approval.

Octavia made a sickly sweet smile and answered, "I'm going to make your life a living hell."

Lavender looked toward where Wells and Blonde Girl convened only a few feet away. Bellamy grabbed her upper arm, pulling her to the side. Lav looked up at him, waiting for him to speak.

"We're going to get Clarke to take off that bracelet." Bellamy stated.

"Who's Clarke?" Bellamy laughed, Blonde Girl and Wells even looked over for a second.

"The blonde girl who was here before." Bellamy informed her, Lavender nodded but she didn't move from her place, Bellamy looked at her oddly.

"What?"

"You're still holding my arm." Her eyes went down to his hand wrapped around her forearm, he let go when he noticed.  
"Stay close, we don't need to lose someone else over this kid."

.

Within the next few minutes they were walking through the trees. Lavender was able to keep pace, Wells walked next to Clarke just steps ahead of them. Bellamy grabbed his gun, waving it around.

"Hey, hold up. What's the rush? You don't survive a spear through the heart."

Maybe she should ask more questions. Was Jasper shot through the heart?

"Put the gun away, Bellamy." Clarke sneered, turning with a hand on her hip. Her mother's voice rang in the back of her mind, 'You're face is going to get stuck like that!'

"Well, why don't you do something about it, huh?" Bellamy taunted, Lavender's dark hollow eyes locked onto Clarke's wristband.

"Jasper screamed when they moved him. If the spear struck his heart, he'd have died instantly. It doesn't mean we have time to waste." Clarke explained, shaking her head.

"As soon as you take this wristband off, we can go." That seemed to set Clarke off, she stepped close to Bellamy, challenging.

"The only way the Ark is gonna think I'm dead is if I'm dead. Got it?" Bellamy didn't back off, a smirk appearing. "Brave princess."

A boy jumped from behind Lavender, with the new knowledge of someone being attacked that severely, she harshly pushed them back, pushing their shoulder down only seconds after. The boy was forced onto their knees, her knife against their throat.

"What the hell?" She didn't lose the grip on his shoulder when Clarke yelled. She wasn't completely hearing the tone of her voice, kill or be killed. A basic instinct taken away by the safe haven of the Ark, did they really have to reconnect with it? The hand made blade in her hand might be answered her question, had she really wanted an answer.

"Let him go." Her grip slackened but she only let go when Bellamy nodded. The brunette boy turned, getting up and adjusting his jacket, he did a good job of hiding how shaken he felt.

"You call this a rescue party?" He voiced to the group, "Got to split up, cover more ground. Clarke, come with me." The boy said, he looked to Lavender for a second. It took a few more to realize he wanted her to apologize.

"I thought you were going to shoot me with a spear." Bellamy shook his head, chuckling. When Finn looked to the older boy, Bellamy shrugged, looking pleased with himself. He didn't know how to respond, when he did, it was annoyed.

"I wasn't."

"Won't happen again." Lavender answered, it almost came out as a question until Bellamy nodded, "I won't do it again." She repeated before the pair walked off. Lav walked beside Bellamy, her legs were getting tired. Wells was even with them, standing on the other side of Bellamy.

"Guess we got more in common than meets the eye, huh?" Bellamy mused, tucking the gun back into his pants.

"We have nothing in common." Wells glared ahead of him, only at trees and the ground.

"No? Both came down here to protect someone we love. Your secret's safe with me. 'course, for you it's worse. With Finn around, Clarke doesn't even see you. It's like you're not even here."

"Who's Finn?"

Bellamy looked over to Lav who looked innocently up at him, he couldn't bring himself to call her stupid, even though he would certainly call Murphy an idiot for the same question.

"Him." He pointed to the boy she'd knocked down. Wells looked oddly over at her.

"Do you not tell her anything?"

"She doesn't ask." Bellamy shrugged, Lavender wasn't bothered. Not by the third person or by him questioning what she knew. "Do you want to ask something?"

Lavender looked to Wells for a second before addressing Bellamy, "I'll let you know."

They were hiking for hours, her legs were starting to ache, Clarke and Finn had wandered off some time ago, they all promised to head in the same general direction, they were close enough that if one of them yelled, they would hear each other. She found herself wondering how these children that were on the same diet as her had taken so quickly to their new environment. She knew from Bellamy that Clarke was privileged, and it wasn't unknown that the privilege got better food on the Ark, but hiking for miles had to be an adjustment for them all, hadn't it?

"What's wrong?" Wells asked, suddenly beside her. Bellamy was a few yards ahead.

"My legs hurt." Lavender answered. Wells stayed silent for a few more seconds, apparently deciding what to do before he squatted in front of her. Lav stopped, Wells looked behind him.

"Come on, hop on." So she did, his hands grabbed under her thighs, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck. He started walking again, her head rested on his back, she was comfortable. Only a few seconds before her eye closed and she fell asleep the steady walking lulling her. She woke up being jostled, her eyes opened she was still on Wells' back, but they'd stopped and Clarke and Finn had rejoined them. She put a hand on his shoulder, he took the message and let her down. Her hand didn't move after the got down, "Thank you." A small smile on her lips.

Wells looked surprised, he didn't get to react before Bellamy pulled her to his side, the smile gone again once she looked up at him, hazy eyes and mouth slightly open.

"You should've told me you were tired." Bellamy told her, she tilted her head to the side.

"It wasn't important." Lavender argued.

"You're important." Bellamy cleared his throat, "You're my second, that means if anything happens to me, you're in charge. You have to let me know what's going on with you at all times."

"Sorry." Lavender apologized, Wells rolled his eyes. Only a few feet away he could still hear what was being said.

"It's okay." No it wasn't, he didn't like the way Wells was carrying her. He didn't like that Wells noticed her slowed pace and that he didn't. Then they heard it, a moan.

"What the hell was that?" Finn asked, this time Lavender took the lead, walking towards the voice.

"Now would be a good time to take out that gun." Clarke said, following behind her. She didn't look to see if Bellamy had listened. Walking faster, she got there first, there was a boy hanging from a tree. She stared, he was still moaning, he was alive. Was this Jasper?

"Jasper. Oh, my God." Clarke gasped, practically pushing Lavender out of the way and walking forward. Finn warned her to be careful, following behind. She felt Bellamy behind her and she kept pace with Clarke, inches to her left.

"Jasper? What the hell is this?" Seconds, that's all it took, seconds for Clarke's foot to go through the trap, her body falling forward. Bellamy's reaction times was better than hers, he caught her hand.

"Clarke! Get her up! Pull her up! Pull her up!" Bellamy wasn't moving, Lavender thought maybe the weight was too much for him, she bent down taking her other hand and pulling her up, he helped once he saw her pulling.

"You okay?" Finn asked, glaring at Bellamy. Lav was confused, he'd saved her, hadn't he?

"Yeah." She was panting, "We need to get him down." Her eyes trained on Jasper.

"I'll climb up there and cut the vines." Finn said, looking at the tree.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm with you." Wells offered, Finn shook his head.

"No. Stay with Clarke. And watch him. You. Let's go."

Lavender looked to Bellamy who nodded once. She followed Finn closely.

"Why the hell do you listen to that guy?" Finn asked.

"Who do you listen to? Clarke?" She questioned, who else was she supposed to listen to? Finn shrugged.

"I don't know, Clarke's better than Bellamy, anyone's better than Bellamy."

They were getting closer.

"Bellamy's nice to me. And he spoke to me." She explained, "Besides Harper, no one else talks to me." She sighed when he looked back, motioning her to continue, "You've never spoken to me. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, I know that."

"Why were you arrested? Really?" He'd heard a million theories, no one had been brave enough to actually ask before.

"Harper got caught stealing food. A guard was holding her, I punched him, she got away."

"And you didn't." He finished, scoffing. "So you're not psycho?"

"I think Bellamy wants people to think I am." She climbed off the trunk of the tree, he followed, "I'm not. I just don't need to know everything and I like being useful."

It was the most she'd spoken in a while.

"He's your friend." Finn said, looking at Jasper who looked sickly pale.

"Harper's my friend." Was Bellamy her friend? Maybe she'd ask him about it later. He was her leader, she was his second.

"Hey, Doll? What's your real name?"

She looked over from cutting one of the many vines holding Jasper up, "Lavender."

"We can be friends, if you want."

"Okay." Her lip twitched, it wasn't a full smile, but it gave Finn hope, maybe there was an actual person under the thick shell. He liked a project. There was a rustle, it was far enough away from them that she didn't scamper up the tree any higher, but she looked to the sound. Everyone else heard it too, the unmistakable growling happened, there was something there. Her hand tightened on the knife, her legs drawing up, ready to climb to the next branch if needed.

"What the hell was that?" Wells asked, they weren't far away. Lav and Finn had taken the long way around just in case there were anymore traps.

"Grounders?" Finn questioned, Lavender shook her head, a snarl broke the air, it was coming. Whatever it was it make itself known, running through the tall grass, Lavender watched as Bellamy reached for his gun, it wasn't there. She felt her chest tighten, her eyes widen.

She was scared. Scared for Bellamy? Scared for herself? She didn't like the feeling, it weighed heavily on her chest. Her eyes prickled, Bellamy was backing away, unsure of himself when gunshots went off. Wells had the gun, a bad shot. One, two, three more shots and the jaguar like creature was down. Her chest was still tight, it held like a vice grip, she began cutting again and got her side done, looking over to Finn who was only halfway through, he nodded. She ran back, she needed to see herself if he was okay. Once they were in her line of vision she sighed, they didn't expect to see her. Clarke looked oddly at her before going back to talking to Wells, Bellamy was leaning against a tree, still catching his breath.

"You're okay." It was supposed to come out as a question, her voice was quiet and it took him a second to every register it as hers. It didn't sound like her, it sounded concerned and hesitant. His eyes opened and looked at Lavender. She had her hands folded in front of her, she was looking down at them in an almost childlike manner.

"Yeah, are you?" Bellamy asked, Lavender's eyes were wet when they met his, her hand touched his chest and he stopped breathing. She felt the heartbeat under his skin and she felt better. Her chest wasn't tight, her breathing was normal again.

"Are we friends?" she asked, she was vaguely aware that Wells had gone to go help Finn help carry Jasper off the tree in her absence, Clarke was busy looking at the map to pay attention to them.

"Yeah, we're friends." Bellamy replied, her hand slipped off his chest, going back to her side. Her eyes glanced over to the dead large animal lying on the ground only a few yards away.

"That's good." It was good they were friends, she felt closer to him, she didn't want him to die.

"Go get some sticks so we can make something to carry this thing on." Bellamy instructed after a few seconds, she nodded, walking off to do his bidding.

.

Bellamy didn't let her help carry anything. Clarke and Finn carried Jasper, Wells and Bellamy carrying the cougar. She didn't protest, keeping pace at the flank, looking around and staying aware of her surroundings. He gave her the useless gun, all the shots had been fired from it to kill that thing, Bellamy said it could be used to knock someone out if they were close enough. Either way, it was held in her right hand, her eyes constantly scanned the trees. It was a while before they got back to camp, and once they did she put the gun in the waist of her pants like Bellamy had done earlier, putting down her shirt to cover it, although the jacket the Ark had given her did more to cover it than the tight shirt. She took the lead, making sure nothing was in the way of them getting to where they needed to be.

"They're back!" a boy yelled as they made their way to the drop ship, someone grabbed her shoulder, pulling her away from the group. Murphy.

"Is he dead?"

"No." she answered, "Did someone die here?" She thought it was a reasonable question, Murphy rolled his eyes. But he still shook his head, no one had died. That was good. Bellamy made his appearance to the camp, finally coming in Wells dropped his end once they were far enough in.

"Who's hungry?" Bellamy yelled, the teens chorused, cheering loudly.

Within the next few hours there was a line, Bellamy allowed everyone to eat if they took off their wristbands. Lavender didn't participate in taking them off, Atom and Murphy helped him and she sat to the side, Harper beside her after taking off her wristband.

"Are you okay?" Harper asked, she'd been staring at the ground for the past few minutes. The food tasted unlike anything they'd ever gotten on the Ark, more chewing than the soy products of the Ark. It took a few bites until she was able to eat it without forcing it down.

"I'm scared." she replied, the feeling had been creeping onto her, Harper was surprised. Harper put a consoling hand on her leg.

"I am too, we'll be okay." Harper responded, giving a tight lipped smile. It made her feel a little better. Since when was she scared of dying? Maybe it was since before, before she knew. She knew when she would die, how she would die. Now, it was all different, she could die any time. Who knows how this air was affecting them? Would it be painful? Would it be quick? Harper continued to talk, asking her about what happened earlier. She told her the basics, they'd found him, the cougar attacked and they came back the cougar and boy in tow. She was listening to Harper's story about that afternoon when a darker skinned boy tapped her shoulder. She didn't know him or his name.

"Bellamy said to come get you." Lavender nodded, he didn't move.

"I'll talk to you later." Harper said, getting up the same time she did. Lavender said her goodbyes and followed the boy to where Bellamy was standing. Octavia was only a few steps away from him, sitting on a log eating.

"Yes?"

"Take Octavia back to her tent." He ordered, Lavender looked towards Octavia who rolled her eyes. She wasn't thrilled, it wasn't that it was Lavender taking her, but her brother that was ordering her to go that seemed to get on her nerves.

"Our tent." Octavia chimed, Bellamy grunted in return. Apparently he was preoccupied with better things to do than rebuttal his sister. She huffed, starting to walk herself back.

"Do you need me to come back after?" Lavender asked, her eyes following Octavia to make sure she didn't start to wander in the wrong direction. Bellamy shook his head.

"Just watch her, make sure she doesn't sneak out." Bellamy said in hushed tones, her eyebrows furrowed.

"You want me to watch her sleep?" Lav asked, blinking twice.

"No, just- wait until she gets settled and try to sleep, I'll be around in a bit, make sure to tell her that bit." Bellamy said before he turned back around talking to Murphy and a few others. Lavender didn't respond, going back and following Octavia back to the tent they shared. It was silent, they were both laying on their cots, staring at the ceiling.

"Do you think he'll live? Jasper?" Octavia whispered, Lavender eyes were still trained on the ceiling of their tent.

"Yes. That girl Clarke, her mother was a doctor. She said that whoever strung him up put something in his wound. If he didn't have that he would probably die."

Minutes passed, Octavia shifted, facing Lavender.

"You know, it was pretty cool of you to go and save him. You didn't even know him."

"Your brother asked me to go."

"Do you like him?"

"I haven't met Jasper." Lavender was getting tired, her eyes already shut. "He looks weak, even without the arrow in his chest."

"Not Jasper, my brother. Do you like him?"

"We're friends." Her roommate replied, as if it answered her question perfectly. She sighed loudly and closed her eyes, mumbling something incoherent.


	4. realization

A/N: This chapter is a little over four thousand words, I didn't want to make it any longer so it sort of ended in a weird spot. Next one should be up in the next few days, I'm just editing now. I have a question, do you guys picture anyone as Lavender? Let me know in the reviews!

Part Four

re·al·i·za·tion

/rē(ə)ləˈzāSH(ə)n/

an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact.

Living in the Ark had it's advantages. She'd never had her neck hurt on the Ark, her bed was familiar when she'd lived with her parents. The cot that the Ark had given her in the Sky Box had been enough to keep her content. On Earth, nothing was given to them, they'd made their tents from parachute, their pillows from insulation. Her neck hurt.

When she woke up Octavia was still asleep. Her neck hurt a little bit and her legs were sore, not used to the sudden exercise they were suddenly getting. It was better than yesterday, she was thankful for that much. Lavender hesitated to get out of bed, revelling in the almost silence that they'd had inside the tent walls. After a few minutes she pushed herself off of her cot. Lavender held the shirt she'd slept in up to her nose. It smelled of sweat and dirt, the air was humid and it hadn't helped that she'd hardly had time to bathe like some of the others at camp. Luckily, she was able to snag a shirt from one of the boys that died on the drop ship landing. She changed into that, hiding her now dirty clothes in a corner, hoping no one would take them. The shirt was short sleeved and small on her, the boy that died had to have been several years younger than her. Her hand reached towards her jacket before tucking it under her make shift pillow, it was warm enough that she'd be okay enough without it.

Lavender came out of the tent, the almost silence broke when she did. The chattering teens were all around her, some of them had just been getting up, rubbing their eyes, others more awake, getting to their daily chores. It was always easy to find Bellamy, he was constantly in the center of everything, he radiated an aura that drew people to him. He was strong, commanding, and he was standing near the woods. He was facing the other way and Murphy saw her first, nodding over to her

"Morning, Doll." Murphy greeted, crossing his arms over his chest. Bellamy turned, he acknowledged her with a small smile and nod. The boy that had fetched her a yesterday was there.

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking at the various weapons laid out on the makeshift table in front of them.

"We're going to do some training and hopefully go hunting in a few days once we're all capable, or close to it. That cougar yesterday is almost gone and we're all going to be hungry soon. Better to do it now." Bellamy explained, Lavender nodded. He'd already taken the full piece of metal back from her last night, she supposed the piece was now amongst these more professionally made ones. Sharpened and a lot more deadly than the last had been.

"Smart." Lavender commended, her fingers grazed against one knife, taking it into her hands. Murphy plucked it out of her hands.

"That one's mine, sunshine."

Bellamy rolled his eyes, handing her one from his back pocket. She turned it into her hands, she saw G.D roughly engraved in the side. She wasn't sure if anyone actually knew her last name. She hoped they at least knew her name was Lavender, not that she cared that much. She said a thanks that went ignored, everyone picking up conversation again.

"Let's set up over there." Bellamy pointed, Murphy and Miller started to walk away towards where he pointed, she only stayed behind when Bellamy grabbed her arm.

"How's Octavia? I stopped by and you were both asleep."

"She was sleeping when I left."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then I don't know what you mean." Lavender said, Bellamy shook his head.

"Nevermind, I need you to go down that trail, about a mile and get Atom."

"Okay," Lavender agreed, she heard it then, a low moaning sound that sounded haunting. "Is that Jasper?"

"Yeah, kid won't shut up." Bellamy sneered, looking towards the drop ship.

"I thought he was getting better." She said, repeating the words that'd been told to her the night before.

"Clarke said he has a fever, he needs something." Bellamy informed, although he didn't look very concerned with the matter.

"Octavia asked me about him, she wants him to live." Lavender told him, one arm wrapped around her body.

"Great," Bellamy rolled his eyes, "How about you?"

Lavender looked almost confused for a second before shrugging, "I don't care either way." Although she couldn't help but think the groaning would pick at her nerves eventually. Out of the corner of her eyes she could see the dark skinned boy wave, trying to get their attention. Lavender pointed and Bellamy looked.

"Miller." He sighed out, nodding at the boy and waving his hand.

"That's his name?" Lavender asked, Bellamy looked back at her nodding once.

"You and I are going to have a long talk when you get back. You're my second, you have to keep up with me. Go about a mile north." Bellamy reprimanded, he patted her head before walking off. She stood there for a few seconds before walking to where Bellamy had told her. It was brisk walk no longer than 20 minutes. He was asleep. Atom was tied up to a tree, asleep. Bellamy told her Millers name but didn't tell her she would find Atom tied to a tree. Need to know basis she guessed.

"Wake up." Lavender ordered, nudging his foot. He stirred, a grimace on his lips.

"Did Bellamy send you?" Atom asked, his whole body hurt. Lavender nodded, climbing the tree and cutting the vines around his waist. He was uncomfortable, she wasn't blind.

"Why?" She asked. She didn't care, but it was conversation and she'd learned that people only need one thing to go off and talk for hours. Or at least that's how it had worked with Harper. And he was squirming, maybe he'd be calmer when he spoke.

"I-Me, Octavia and I kissed." His warning rang in her head, she nodded. The girl who'd lived under the floor for most of her life had gotten kissed before she did. Not that it was anywhere in her agenda, Lavender's very content with herself. She loosened the last vine enough so he'd been able to get his hand out, once she had she climbed back to the ground, her knife being tucked back into her side. He began talking, how was he supposed to stay away from her? Surely, she'd know something was up. "You don't care do you?"

She contemplated answering at all, "I don't." She admitted, letting only a second pass before continuing, "Or rather, I don't understand it."

"What?" Atom looked over warily, they were almost back at camp.

"Caring to that extent. You knew Bellamy would punish you but you did it anyway."

He didn't talk to her after that. Apparently she'd been marked as a lost cause again for him. Once they got back to camp Atom walked off, presumably to go get water or change.

"Is it done?" Bellamy asked as she came from behind him to his right hand side. Lavender nodded, Bellamy put down the axe he was about to throw and took her upper arm instead. He led her to his tent, motioning for her to go inside, she did.

"Sit down," he instructed, she did so, crossing her legs and sitting at the foot of the bed. Then he told her, the tidbits that she'd been missing. The tidbits everyone had been missing. Bellamy shot the Chancellor, Wells' father was dead. That's why the wristbands meant so much, if the Ark thought they were dead, maybe they wouldn't come down and then they'd be able to stay.

"But if they do, I need you to come with me and Octavia. I can't protect her all of the time."

Lavender found herself nodding without much thought, as she had been the past hour he'd been speaking. She thought about Harper, maybe he could tell because he warned her not to tell anyone about any of this. She nodded, compliant. He was pleased she didn't argue, but it was a double edged sword, he didn't know what she was thinking. Was she really fine with all of this? Only a few minutes later he walked her around camp, pointing and describing each person with their name. Her mind was jumbled by the end, she wasn't good with names.

"And then finally, Murphy, Miller and Atom. If you need anything and I'm not around, tell them about it." Bellamy said, his arm was around her shoulder while they walked around camp. It was warm, she liked it. The boys he'd motioned towards opened their circle they'd been standing in, Bellamy's arm dropped as he spoke.

.

They had already set up a training center and been practicing. The first day was terrible for most, but the second day was better. Bellamy made quick work, showing them how it was done by picking up one of their throwing axes and hurling towards a tree, it stuck. Lavender rolled her shoulders, was she strong enough to do that? It seemed it was more based on pure strength than anything else. Perhaps she should try a bow of some kind, she'd probably be better with a gun, but they didn't have either of those. Or more accurately, any with ammo. She took one of the knives that were in front of them and copied his stance, drawing her own arm back and releasing the knife. It hit a few feet above the ground and didn't stick. So they practiced. At one point Octavia even came over, not so subtly to try and get Atom to 'walk her to go get water'. Bellamy sent Miller with her instead. A look towards Lavender told her that she was annoyed, she could only shrug, not sure what else she wanted her to do.

The moaning was incessant, Lavender learned to block it out, but as the minutes passed their seemed to always be a particularly loud one that broke her focus.

"That damn kid, always messing with my head." Murphy complained, he'd nailed a few but the last one had landed a foot to the left of the target.

"He's not gonna last much longer. Better think of a new excuse." Bellamy said, raising an eyebrow, followed by throwing another axe perfectly. How did he get so good at this? Was it the guard training? Atom had gone away only an hour or two before to go search for Trina and Pascal who'd been missing since last night.

"We searched a half-mile all directions. No sign of Trina or Pascal." Atom informed, Bellamy, Murphy and Lavender all stepped to the side, it was better to keep this private. They didn't want a riot.

"Visit your special tree when you were out there?" Murphy teased, Atom wasn't amused. He looked towards Bellamy, almost telling him to say something.

"Atom took his punishment. Let it go." Bellamy neutralized, Murphy nudged her shoulder, Lavender looked at him. Was she supposed to laugh? Say something?

"Could be Grounders." Lavender supplied.

"Yeah, or they could be in pound town. Lot of that going around recently." Murphy rebutted. Jasper's moans got louder that minute, Murphy let a big sigh.

"Look, Bellamy, people are scared, and that dying kid, he's not helping the morale around here." Atom warned, looking towards the dropship. What did they want to do? Kill him? Put him somewhere else?

"Morale will go up when I find them more food." Bellamy ended the argument, sure of himself.

"And what do we say when they ask about Trina and Pascal?" Bellamy turned to Lav, motioning for her opinion.

"Nothing." Bellamy motioned for her to continue without the others noticing. She resisted the urge to sigh, she was supposed to explain herself for everything, pointless. "We can keep looking while we're hunting, put an extra person on patrol when we're gone, but they may just be lost or making their way back." Bellamy approved her opinion, nodding in agreement. Murphy shifted forward.

"Let's go kill something!" He cheered, everyone walked away, including Lavender, going to get their weapons. After a few seconds Bellamy joined them, Murphy already having walked off in the opposite direction.

"He's not coming." Lavender said, looking at Murphy's back.

"No, he sucks anyway."

"I do too." She replied honestly. She was only slightly better than Murphy at throwing knives, but Murphy was stronger than her, she was more accurate, he had more power.

"Would you rather stay here?" Bellamy asked, he didn't think she would. She shrugged easily.

"I want to go with you." Lavender stated, Murphy was good at bossing people around, especially with the threat of Bellamy in his back pocket. He would have everything handled, she was sure. Bellamy gave a small smile, nodding once.

"Well," Bellamy started, standing in front of her now, "What do you think about setting up a new patrol? Now that we have proper weapons and training to go-"

"What did you do to Atom?" Octavia demanded, her shoulder bumped Lavender a few steps back. Bellamy sighed, motioning for Lavender to leave, she does, deciding to go check the dropship and see if Jasper had died yet. He hadn't, his face was covered with sweat, a cloth over his forehead in a weak attempt at cooling him down. He was quieter than usual as Clarke hovered over his body. She had a knife in her hand, she looked over to Lavender, rolling her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Lavender asked, watching her. She'd spoken too soon, he let out a loud shout, as Clarke began cutting him. Lavender jumped back along with everyone else in the dropship. Within seconds Octavia had run into the dropship, her mouth agape as Jasper continued to scream.

"Hold him still. I need to cut away the infected flesh." Clarke ordered, Lavender stood there at the entrance, unmoving. Finn and Wells did, running to her side. Lavender moved to his feet after Finn motioned with his head to go over. She had no alliance towards Clarke, but Finn had been nice to her once. She almost took it as a favor repaid for letting her check on Bellamy and leaving him to carry Jasper. Her hands struggled to get a grip on the boys flailing legs, he was a lot stronger than he looked, it was almost a shame he would die.

"Stop it! You're killing him." Octavia yelled, sitting at Jasper's legs. Her head was starting to hurt from his screams, she was contemplating smothering him herself. Or at least pushing Clarke to stop cutting him.

"She's trying to save his life." Finn defended, looking more annoyed as he held Jasper down. Bellamy came in seconds later, they made eye contact and he raised an eyebrow, seeing her helping them wasn't something ideal. It seemed as if she could tell something off about his stare and let go of his, now moving, legs, walking to his left.

"She can't." Bellamy said, crossing his arms. Wells stood quickly, taking a threatening step towards Bellamy. Lavender moved in front of him, her eyes narrowing at Wells. His brown eyes shifted to hers for a moment before going back to Bellamy, lips curled.

"Back off." Wells directed to Bellamy.

"You first." Sharp edges to a honey laced voice, Wells shook his head at the Lavender.

"We didn't drag him through miles of woods just to let him die." Clarke defended, cleaning the scalpel again.

"Kid's a goner. If you can't see that, you're deluded. He's making people crazy." Bellamy hissed back at Clarke. Lavender had noticed the campers getting restless, it was a scary thought that Jasper got attacked, and he was reminding them of it every time he moaned.

"Sorry if Jasper's an inconvenience to you, but this isn't the Ark. Down here, every life matters." Clarke was right, especially with the looming threat, they needed numbers. But right now, Jasper was doing more harm than good, even if he made a full recovery, he wasn't the most valuable player, as far as Lavender could see. While Clarke was working here, she could've been out there helping with hunting or gathering. He was more trouble than he's worth. Octavia was tearing up, Bellamy didn't notice.

"Octavia, I've spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there's hope, there's hope."

"You spent the past year in solitary." Lavender stated, "You have perhaps 5 years of watching her heal people. I doubt you could learn much at least until 11 and that's pushing it. And you went to school-"

"If there's hope, there's hope." Clarke cut her off sharply, glaring fiercely. Lavender stared blankly, not caring enough to argue.

"This isn't about hope, it's about guts. You don't have the guts to make the hard choices. We do. He's been like this for three days. If he's not better by tomorrow, I'll kill him myself." He said it like a promise, Lavender believed him, Clarke kept her hard expression. Bellamy turned to leave, not before putting his hand on her waist, pushing Lavender to walk ahead of him, he turned.

"Octavia, let's go." Bellamy ordered, Octavia didn't move.

"I'm staying here." Bellamy looked one more time before walking out, Lavender looked behind her as they walked out. Finn was watching curiously, nodding once to her.

"They don't like you very much." She commented.

"They're not exactly fawning after you either, but they know I'm right." Bellamy responded, not looking too worried. His hand dropped back to his side once they were steps outside the dropship. The hunting party was already mostly gathered, so they headed out after a few words were exchanged with Murphy, the leader for the time being. They'd gotten over a mile away from camp when they finally found something. Well, Atom had been able to kill a rabbit with a few extra toes, it hung from his belt, but it was hardly enough to feed more than one person when they had somewhere under a hundred mouths to feed. It was something like a boar, Bellamy was leading the party, clearly he'd been the best hunter of the group. Lavender was patrolling the back, making sure they all stayed together and no one got lost. She thought she was doing a pretty good job. It was seconds and a scream broke through the air, high pitched and it wasn't the boar. Someone yelled to get the boar and half the party took off to where it ran, the other half stayed. She made her way to the front, there was a little girl and Bellamy was handing her a knife.

"-knows? You might be good at it." He got up from his squatted position, looking over his shoulder at Lavender who was leaned against a tree, looking bored. He let out a chuckle, shaking his head.

"Half of the hunting party went that way," She pointed with her knife, "to chase the boar. We should wait a few minutes and then head that way," She pointed the opposite direction. "They're loud and probably scared away any animals that would have been over there."

"Yeah, you're right." Bellamy responded, she didn't look at the little girl. She didn't like children, she was never maternal and they never got along well with her. Bellamy seemed to be the opposite, already making sure that the little girl was in his sight. The little girl didn't notice her rigid expression and came up to her.

"I'm Charlotte." Lavender looked down at her, her body was stiff. She was supposed to smile, she knew that, kids liked that kind of stuff. Her lip only twitched an awkward and forced looking half smile on her lips, Bellamy watched looking more than amused.

"You can call her-" he thought for a moment before smirking, "Just call her-."

"Lavender." She aided, Charlotte looked up curiously at both of them before nodding, a small smile didn't disappear as they started to walk a few minutes later everyone had gathered back up. Lavender made her way back to the butt of the group, Miller stood next to her this time around, carrying a bloody squirrel in his hand. She was almost enjoying herself, she didn't exactly love the idea of killing animals for food, but it's not like they had much choice. The soil beneath her feet was soft, a rich color brown and her mom would've known exactly what to grow. Lavender let out a breathy sigh, only to have her eyes dart up when a loud horn went off, echoing in the trees. She tried to look for the source to no avail, only seeing the other startled teens.

"What the hell was that?" Miller mumbled beside her, then she saw it. A yellow mustard looking fog, thick and dangerous looking. She was already starting to back up when Miller grabbed her arm roughly, starting to run with the rest of the group. They were too far from camp to go back that way, how far does this fog reach? She could hear Bellamy yelling around caves from the front of the group. Her legs didn't let her push harder and get to the front, barely staying the erratic pace that Miller ran at. She couldn't hear Bellamy anymore, the group had scattered when things started to look the slightest bit familiar, everyone finding their own hiding space away from this fog. Miller shoved her, there was a small cave Bellamy had showed him days ago and he closed it behind them. Her chest was heaving, her breath labored. It was dark, she didn't like it.

"Are you okay?" Miller asked, he couldn't see her, the cave didn't have a source of light but he could hear her, when she didn't reply he got worried, "Hey, sit down or- drink something."

Lavender sat down slowly, feeling the ground under her. Minutes passed and her breathing slowed, much to his relief. He hadn't spoken to her much, or cared very much about her, but to run from death one way and die another would be awful.

"I'm okay." Lavender finally answered, "I never read about a yellow fog before. Nothing natural anyway." She'd heard of poisonous gas and the cruel ways of torture and mass killings that came before on the Earth, but none of that was natural, all man-made.

"Well, I never read about a giant sea creature that eats humans but-" Miller retorted, Lavender nodded, he was right. Things were different on the Earth now. Who knows what could have changed in the past three generations? It was a heavy silence, awkward and thick.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Miller replied, "I'm fine. We should probably stay in here for a few, make sure it's all gone before going back out."

"Yeah."

"So," Miller started, sitting down on the floor, he didn't know how to talk to her. "You and Bellamy knew each other before coming down to Earth?"

"No, we met on the drop ship." She answered, "We're friends."

"I can see that." Miller said, rolling his eyes. They spoke casually, she told him of her parents and he told her of his father, his mother had died while giving birth. His father was protective, a guard.

"My dad says I look like her," Miller said, sighing afterward. Lavender made a noise so he knew she was still listening. He continued, talking about his friends. Lavender was good at listening, she was better at listening than talking. After he finished they were silent, he'd taken off the jacket he'd been wearing using it as a makeshift pillow. It had to be night already. Lavender regretted not taking hers with her, she laid down, her neck hurt. As if he noticed her restlessness he sighed.

"Come here, we can share."

They did, lying close together and she fell asleep only minutes after he did. It was weird, usually she'd fall asleep to the noise of everyone walking around, no matter what time it was someone was always awake at camp. She hadn't realized how quickly she'd become accustomed to having all the noise around her until it was gone.


	5. anger

Chapter 5

an·ger  
ˈ/aNGɡər/

noun  
a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

It was weird, usually she'd fall asleep to the noise of everyone walking around, no matter what time it was someone was always awake at camp. She hadn't realized how quickly she'd become accustomed to having all the noise around her. The silence that she always loved was second. Lavender was woken up by nudging. How long had they slept? Her eyes opened and it was bright, Murphy standing over them both.

"This is fucking rich." Murphy laughed, kicking Miller lightly enough to wake him up. During the night Miller had shifted, Lavender hadn't. She'd fallen asleep laying on her side, she woke up on her side. Miller however had taken it upon himself to wrap an arm around her waist, the other tucked under his head. Lavender got up, moving his arms only seconds before he woke up, rubbing his eyes.

"Come on, Bellamy's freaking out right now." Murphy urged, they both got up, Miller glared at Murphy, immediately annoyed at the other boys voice. Lavender didn't pay attention, walking out of the cave. The air was clean again, the fog taking its leave with no evidence it was ever there. The thought made her the slightest bit nervous. How long did they have before it came back? We're they really safe? They weren't far from camp, she could remember the trail back easily. She walked quickly, Murphy and Miller talking at the flank. She wanted to know is Harper was okay, was Finn okay? Octavia? Did the fog ever reach them? She was only seconds from camp when she realized she could have just asked Murphy. If Harper had been hurt, he would have told her, wouldn't he? Did he know they were friends at all? It was too late now, once she entered camp she saw Harper first, she was talking with Bellamy, a hand on his arm. He wasn't facing her and Harper looked over his shoulder to see Lavender walking towards them. Harper had let out a relieved sigh, a smile working its way only her face. She was only steps away when she heard her speak.

"I told you she was okay." Harper said, full of pride. Bellamy turned, his eyes focused on Lavender and he took her into a hug. Lavender hesitated at first before wrapping her arms around his middle, her hand hovering over his back. His arms were practically wrapped around her whole body, or that's what it felt like. His left arm was around her shoulders, the other wrapped around her waist, it was a tight hug, she'd didn't mind it, but she could hardly breathe. His face was burrowed into her neck and she felt him sigh.

"What happened?" He asked, now he pulled back, looking her over for injuries. Harper latched on to her from behind once he'd stepped back, her chin resting on her shoulder. Lavender leaned her head against hers, she liked hearing Harper's steady breathing. She felt more comfortable with Harper around her, it wasn't suffocating like the last, Harper could've latched onto her for hours.

"After we all got separated, Miller hid with me, we fell asleep and Murphy woke us up."

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear. Murphy came behind them, his arms crossed and a smirk worn, it was almost a given with him now.

"Yeah, I found the pair of them snuggled up. Are you sure falling asleep is all you did?" He spoke in a teasing tone, Lavender didn't understand, looking at him for a moment before speaking. Harper did, taking away one hand from around Lavender and smacking the back of Murphy's head before wrapping it back around her. Murphy sent her a murderous look, rubbing where she'd hit.

"We spoke too. Miller moved in his sleep." She didn't have to explain herself but she did anyway, Bellamy nodded, seeming to accept her answer over his.

"Octavia?"

"In your tent probably hating me." His jaw ticked, still angry. When he didn't continue, she prompted.

"Why?" He didn't answer at first, his eyes flickering to Harper who sighed, taking her arms back to her sides after a last squeeze. Her hands went to her shoulders, making sure they had eye contact before speaking.

"I knew you wouldn't die." Harper quipped, her eyebrow ticked, "But don't scare people who don't know you as well as I do." She said it like she was bragging, Lavender didn't notice the annoyed look Bellamy sent.

"I'll see you later, Lavvie." Harper hugged her again quickly before Lavender followed Bellamy to his tent. She repeated the question, louder this time when he motioned for her to go into his tent. "Why is Octavia mad?"

"Atom- he didn't make it. It's my fault." Bellamy explained.

"How?"

"That fog it's poison." She'd figured that much out, "I found him this morning, well Charlotte did. He had welts all over his body and he could hardly breathe." His voice was rough, Atom had been his friend, even after the punishment he'd given him. He was a good person, well, as far as she could tell.

"So you didn't kill him, the fog did."

"I heard him calling out, he was calling for me to help him and I couldn't see him and the fog-"

"Would have killed you too. And then you would both be dead. You didn't kill him, you just didn't kill yourself." She concluded. Bellamy held her gaze, his eyes softened the slightest.

"Try telling Octavia that." Lavender started to turn before he pulled her down to sit on the bed with him, "Not right now. Just hold on."

She did, she realized that he probably thought she was dead. And if he blamed himself for Atom's death he was probably already blaming himself for hers.

"I don't plan on dying." She said, he looked over, amused. "I'm serious-"

"When are you not ser-"

"And if that changes, I'll let you know beforehand."

"Thanks." He said, his head in his hands. She debated for a seconds before leaning her head on his shoulder. Hours later the other Blake sibling was sobbing in their tent. It took mere seconds for her to place it, it was her. Octavia Blake was the one in the cell next to hers, the one who would cry almost every night. She noticed when she started to cry in bed. Lavender had a final chance and she took it. She got out of bed and went to Octavia's. She was surprised but she took it welcomingly, crying into her shoulder as they laid side by side. She soothed her, petting her hair and feeding her lies. Everything would be alright. Everything's okay. You're strong and you'll be okay.

They fell asleep like that, sleep always came easy to her. When she was younger she dreamed a lot, now she hardly did. It always felt like mere seconds that she was asleep before she'd been woken up.

The night had passed and the day that followed was even harder than the last. Wells was dead, murdered just outside of camp where he'd been digging the grave for Atom. They'd heard it from Clarke who'd hardly been able to tell them before dissolving into tears. It wasn't fair, they'd just became friends again, how could he have been gone? She left Octavia with Clarke, finding Bellamy in his tent. She didn't think of knocking before going in, that was a mistake. She was greeted by a girl with no shirt on, she wasn't sure of her name, it didn't matter. She didn't wait, turning back. Embarrassed, her cheeks were red, she'd been so surprised by Wells' death that she'd forgotten basic manners. Seconds later a shirtless Bellamy Blake came out, putting a hand on her shoulder, she turned, surprised that he had come out.

"What's wrong?"

"Wells is dead." She breathed, so much death, it weighed heavily around camp, it was weighing her down. He ran a hand through his hair, letting a long sigh out.

"I know, are you-"

"I'm sorry, I can see you're busy, I'll find Murphy, get someone to dig a grave and finish filling Atom's. Octavia's with Clarke, I'll talk to you later." Bellamy hesitated, his mouth opened twice before he could push the words out.

"It's not what it looks like," it came out very lame. Lavender sent him a very confused look, not understanding. "I just-"

"That's okay." It came out more as a question, she wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. He nodded before she walked off. She did find Murphy, he didn't look upset that Wells had died, when she asked him about it she could tell he was slightly shook up, he was affected by death, even if it was someone he didn't like, even hated.

"I'll tell George to fill it, have him go with Piper so they can look out for eachother." Murphy said before he walked off. What was she supposed to do now? She wakes around camp, Bellamy was nowhere to be seen and she didn't want to check his tent again. Perhaps she could go check on Octavia? No, Clarke might still be crying. Clarke couldn't stand her on a good day, maybe a more sympathetic Clarke would be nicer. She looked at the ground before heading towards the drop ship, maybe she had something for her to do while she mourned. Once she got in she was surprised to see everyone huddled around Jasper, he was awake, drinking water.

"Welcome back." Lavender commented, glancing at him for a few seconds.

"Thanks," he replied, a small laugh followed by a wince. Clarke sniffled, looking over.

"Is there something you need?" Clarke asked, her voice shook from all the crying she'd been doing that morning, but it didn't lack the sharpness it seemed to always carry when she addressed her or Bellamy. Maybe a sympathetic Clarke wasn't better.

"No." Lavender answered, "Is there anything you need? That I can get you, or do."

Clarke was surprised, was she being considerate? Lavender didn't bother to explain that she was just bored, she didn't care enough about Clarke to try and console her. She had just gotten to the point with Octavia, and they shared a tent.

"Yeah- actually. Can you go get some of those berries from this morning so Jasper can try to eat those?" She nodded, walking out and into the main area. The basket of berries was still semi full. That was good. She brought them back, not stopping to talk to anyone along the way. She gave the berries to Clarke who put it on a smooth piece of bark and mashed it up creating a dark purple paste. Jasper didn't think it looked very appetizing but his stomach growled loudly, Clarke warned him to eat slow. Lavender watched for a second before taking her leave. Her eyes darted, taking a look at the semi full basket she grabbed an empty one and headed out. She knew she probably shouldn't have gone alone, especially since Wells had just been found dead this morning, but she couldn't be bothered. She was only a minute or two outside of camp when a hand grabbed hers, she automatically grabbed her knife, turning quickly she saw Finn and put it down.

"Don't sneak up on me, I almost stabbed you." _Again._

"You almost got killed, you shouldn't be out here."

"You're here." She responded, "and I was getting berries. What were you doing?"

Finn looked bashful, she didn't respond. Before she could start walking again he stopped her.

"Come on, can't you just find Bellamy instead, have him go with you?"

"Bellamy's having sex right now. Picking berries isn't as enticing." Finn raised his eyebrows, laughing.

"So this is you rebelling against him?"

She tilted her head to the side, confused, "No, I'm picking berries so we have some for later on."

"When you know he'd rather you be in camp."

She entertained the thought for a moment before shaking her head, "That's not why."

"You can just tell me, you were jealous. It's natural."

"Jealous?" He nodded, amused, it almost annoyed her, that he thought he knew what she was feeling, "I'm not his girlfriend, I'm his friend. That's not my concern."

"That doesn't mean much, you know." Finn crossed his arms leaning against one of the trees.

"Ok," Lavender shrugged, she knew what she felt. It wasn't jealous, whether he believed it or not, didn't matter to her at all. Bending to look in the bush for berries, only to find these had already been picked, "I don't really like being watched-"

"I'm helping you out, staying in pairs." Finn responded, "Besides, I thought we were going to be friends."

Lavender looked at him from the corner of her eyes, letting a sigh out. So much for having some time to put her mind back together. "Ok, let's go," Her hand extended, waiting for him to link arms with her. He'd only just grabbed her hand in his, not getting the chance of step forward before a voice rang out.

"What the hell are you two doing out here?" Bellamy stormed, walking up to them. Lavender didn't look at him.

"Nothing," Finn shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest, breaking the contact between them and dropping her arm to cross his own. He looked to Bellamy, "Is there a problem?"

"I was getting berries." She answered, holding up the basket as some kind of proof. He didn't give it much thought, only facing Finn.

"Yeah, I want everyone back at camp now. I need you, now." He was angry, it wasn't hard to tell. Lavender followed behind as he practically fumed. They were only steps outside of camp to begin with, Finn had quickly disappeared before Bellamy stopped short.

"What the hell are you thinking?"

"What?" She had almost assumed that he was just mad in general, not mad at her.

"Going out there by yourself."

"I wasn't by myself, Finn was there."

"And he's such a great protector. Why didn't you just come and find me?" Bellamy questioned, crossing his arms. She didn't want to argue.

"You were busy, and it was only one minute outside of camp. I didn't think it was-"

"One minute is one minute where you can be killed." Bellamy said roughly, Lavender didn't say anything. He wasn't letting her finish, what was the point?

"What? Right, you're not scared to die right? You're not scared of anything. You don't _feel_ anything. Well your friends care, or do you not care about them either?"

Anger. Her cheeks were red, and her hands curled into fist.

"I do." She mumbled, looking down, her eyebrows drawn together.

"Right-" It was sarcastic and malicious toned, with narrowed eyes to complete it.

"I do, I'm terrified of dying, that I can die at any minute. What am I supposed to do? Hide in a corner? I was getting food for camp so no one else has too." She found herself stepped forward without meaning to. Bellamy unconsciously backed up until he was against a tree. "I care about my friends, that's why I'm here, that's why I'm on _Earth_. I never asked anyone to care about me, I've never asked you for anything and you're yelling at me. I've never been so-so," she shook her head, she could hardly think, "-mad, angry, annoyed. I hate this stupid planet and I hate you for making me feel this way! In the Ark, I was perfectly content with dying, I was _ready to die._ Everything bad in my life has happened after I came down here. I don't want to feel like this!" Her head was dizzy, her hands ached from being curled so tightly. She looked up at Bellamy, he looked astonished, maybe even a little scared. Great, one of the few people that aren't afraid to talk to her had changed his mind. She was almost able to get away with blowing up without his reaction, almost.

"That's too fuckin' bad, doll. Emotions make us human, welcome to the world of the living."

 **A/N:** This chapter is a little short than the last, but the last chapter was over four thousand. The next chapter is being started on by the time you read this. The reviews you guys sent me really motivated me to get this up without waiting a month, haha! Don't worry, Lavender had been extremely stressed, and it caused her to explode. Hope you guys liked that, since it won't happen again until something VERY dramatic happens. But we'll see her go back to her regular self in the next chapter.

 **Jag** : I think she's so extremely awkward around children, that if she were to give Charlotte advice, maybe she would've said: a. 'Don't eat before you sleep.' (Her father told her this after she ate late with Harper and had a weird dream) or B. 'Stop caring. They're dead anyway.'


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